Filed under: Blog
Just wanted to share something I read this morning. A good reminder.
- From Sacred Thirst, Meeting God in the Desert of Our Longings – M. Craig Barnes
I don’t remember when I first heard the phrase It’s not about you, but I really like it. A lot. I have yet to find a pastoral situation in which this phrase is not relevant.
When someone comes to me for the fiftieth time to talk about all the hurt caused by mean parents, after all the reflective listening and responsible counsel I can muster, eventually I have to lean forward in my chair and say, “Hey, it was not about you. They were too hurt themselves. you just happened to be in the way.”
On those terrible nights at church when I’m stuck in a committee meeting that’s going south in a hurry, it’s usually because someone is too invested in a personal agenda. In those cases it doesn’t do much good to keep talking about the issue on the table, because I know that’s not what is driving the debate. I’ve found it’s more helpful to look at the complainer and gently say, “You know, this really isn’t about you.”
The phrase is perfect for weddings as well. The bride and groom are standing in front of everyone, looking so much better than they are ever going to look again, getting so much attention and affirmation, receiving so many presents. Everyone even stands up when they walk in. So it’s easy to think that this, at least, is about them. But it isn’t, and their ability to maintain joy in their marriage is directly related to the day they discover that simple truth. Just look at their worn-out parents sitting in the first pew. They understand this.
Even when I sit beside the hospital beds of those who are dying, it is useful to tenderly remind them that even this most personal of all events in life is really not about them. It is about the God who created them, who sustained their life every step of their journey, and who is no choosing to call them home.
The real issue in life is always about God. Thus, the shorter catechism of the Westminster Confession teaches us to say, “Man’s chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy him forever.” This beautiful insight can also be turned around to instruct us that the reason we are not enjoying God, or anything else for that matter, is because we have made ourselves the chief end. Life is not about our needs or complaints, our hard work or noteworthy achievements, our dreams or great longings. It isn’t even about our spiritual longings. It’s about the longing of the triune God to have fellowship with us.
